So, this game.

Yu-Gi-Oh! BAM is a bit of an unusual subject for a first post, but I had this image on my computer when I was looking for a new background, and I got the idea. I realize that putting up a review of a second-rate Facebook game entirely on impulse is odd, but it's what's striking me at the moment, so there you are. Rest assured, some of my later posts will probably be more interesting - unless you really liked this post, in which case, welcome aboard!

Well, I'm a paragraph in, so we might as well talk about the game.

Yu-Gi-Oh! BAM is a Facebook game based loosely on that card game and show which you probably liked when you were a kid, and which, odds are if you're reading this, you probably like now as a lonely adult. Since the original card game is a bloated mass of Overlay Units and chain links that couldn't be understood by anyone without a degree in calculus and an eidetic memory, let alone the knuckle-dragging gibbons that make up the majority of Facebook browsers, BAM is incredibly toned-down. It runs on a very simplified version of the card game, adapting rules to make it essentially a more strategic version of War.

At the start of each turn, both players draw cards until they hold three, then play as many as they can. Those three cards then all attack, or activate if possible, on the cards in front of them.

I play my hand - Ancient Tool, Cannon Soldier, and Dark Energy. All three have effects that make them stronger, so this game likely won't last too long.

We see the opponent's cards, including Battle Footballer and Golgoil. Dark Energy has activated, boosting the ATK of both monsters.

Despite its simplicity, I've found a surprising amount of tactical depth in the game. There's a necessity in predicting what the opponent is going to throw at you, and the fact that relying on one big card is a recipe for failure helps force the player to create a well-rounded Deck. Everything in the game feels vital and necessary - a 300-point ATK boost isn't a minor note, like in the actual game; it's the difference between life and death.

It's interesting to see how reducing the game to a very bare-bones level has actually helped make it more interesting. It's closest to the very early game in a lot of ways, when the likes of La Jinn and Giant Soldier of Stone were considered unstoppable, and I quite like it for that. That fact is further reinforced by a look at the Deck up at the top of this post; Cannon Soldier and Fissure are the only ones you'll see in most real games, and even then, they're very uncommon. Here, though, even weaklings like Cyber Commander can get a few shots in.

The end of the game. Ancient Tool and Cannon Soldier were boosted six times in less than two turns, by both their effects and the effects of others. Soulless machines are pretty good at teamwork.

I was quite surprised by how much I liked this game. I became less surprised a few moments later, when I saw this little screen.

Well, crap. Who's got a five?

Yes, it's the return of our old nemesis, Free-To-Play-Pay-To-Win. In this game, every Duel lowers your current energy, by an amount that varies from the upper single digits to as high as 25 - and in a game where the max energy you can regenerate, AFAIK, is 100, you're basically guaranteed to either burn through the game in mere hours and have to wait for your energy to return, point by agonizing point, at a rate of one per minute. Or you can pay and bring it all back with interest.

FTPPTW is a serious problem in games like this, because they effectively lock out most of the game to players who aren't willing to pony up cash. Most of the more powerful cards in the game (and they are powerful) practically require cash (sure, you get DP in-game, but not at a rate where it can afford anything), and that's before factoring in the aforementioned energy problems. Yu-Gi-Oh is infamous in some circles for being a rich man's game, and one of the main selling points of most video game versions is that there, Dark Armed Dragon doesn't require selling off your organs to afford. This game can't even get that right.

As a result, I faced the following quandary: do I slog for days through endless recharge times to play unfair games with crappy cards for free, finishing every session with teeth-gnashing frustration and finger-tapping tedium while staring at the shiny invincible superweapons like Ralphie Parker looking through the shop window, or do I fork over fifty bucks and beat the game in about an hour, feeling only the hollow unfulfillment that comes from killing ants with airstrikes and wondering whether I should have just bought X-COM or something else that's actually fun?

I pondered this for a while, then I remembered the existence of YGOPro, a fangame which managed to perfectly recapture the crazy strategy of the card game while avoiding PTW completely.

In conclusion, screw Facebook games.